Did I do so many things so wrong in other people's eyes... so many things that I think were misinterpreted? Or did I actually do them and mean them and was the cause of the problems? Why didn't communication happen. I mean, if I came across doing a certain thing or acting a certain way... why didn't someone just say, "hey, Heidi, I don't really like it when you do blah blah blah..."? To me that's the only way to have a relationship that's good... you're going to do things that one person doesn't like, its just the nature of the game. BUT, I think that one person probably isn't meaning it as the other person takes it... remember they are human to and as much "stuff" as the one person has going on in their life to stress them out, the other person has the same amount of it... and they have bad moments and days too! Couldn't it all be solved by the person who doesn't like it just saying something right then and there about WHY they don't like it. And if they're a good enough couple, the other half would probably be like, "oh... I get what you're saying... I didn't mean it that way but I see how it came across that way! Sorry!". There, problem solved... both are working towards and wanting the same thing (I know that for a fact, I really do.)
My points... it was brought to my attention that I've done little things to stress someone out or make them think negatively. Is that ME as a person? No... I know I have a good heart and want nothing but the best. I think sometimes a couple won't always agree 100% w/the way the other person is doing something, handling something, acting, whatever.... but we are human beings and I don't know of any couple that agrees non-stop. I think the key is to agree the MAJORITY of the time, and also to know, even if you don't agree, lets say, about a child... even if you don't agree, as long as you're still both wanting whats best for the child and arguing over whats BEST- that's not such a terrible thing, is it?! A disagreement over the betterment of the child?! Hey, you're both wanting good... why not just listen to the other and think about what they're saying? Don't think you're way is the ONLY or BEST way... maybe by joining forces with the other, you can come up with something even (more) better! I know I haven't always done this, though. Instead, I've gotten mad or irritable. What good did that do? Nothing... But now I know! And, what more can you do? Case in point... a friend of mine told me last night or this morning that he remembers doing something and I got mad about it, which made him want to say, "screw this relationship" (basically). I feel really hurt by it, as, I am a person too and I know that if we'd just accept that we both want the same, and let ourselves rely on the other a little more, we'd be better.
In the past, lets say, there have apparently been things that are though of as things that "shouldn't have happened". But, it works both ways. And its a life... that's bound to happen. Its not, to me, what happened, as long as you understand it did, understand your role in the problem, and changed to fix it. You figured it out. Now... I'm not the same person I was 1 yr, 2 yrs, 3yrs, or 10 yrs ago. Neither is anyone else. You don't have the same outlook on life as you do ... it gradually changes and you just act and react differently, because you're older, more mature, experienced. Examples: I feel misunderstood by stuff I've done or haven't done in the past... Then what I wanted got misunderstood... I've been known to be stubborn... but its been wrong, I've been wrong, and its been misunderstood. The good thing is... we figured it out from that. The hard parts are what would get us to the good parts. I, personally, (I guess maybe it isn't the same for him...) would rather have a couple hard years, then figure it out, and a lifetime of good ones because of those hard years. At least that's what they've done for me... I don't look back on how "bad" the past was, but rather admit that there were problems but working through them is the only way that got the kinks out and smoothed it. Not that I like everything I've done, cuz I don't; nor do I like everything that others in my life has done, cuz I don't! I think that we did those things, at that time, for a reason, and that now is now and it helped!
Things that I just want to be clear about. Jon's parents, brother, sister, in-laws, nieces/nephews... I love em! I've had things in my past that other don't know, haven't seen, or wouldn't understand (before Jon)... things that made it hard for me... as far as, (1) I know that Jon thinks I hated how he was, how he'd talk to his family a lot, etc. NO! It was never about that or like that. I promise! I love them and I love HIM for being so great of a guy to actually BE close to his family. It would be extremely hard for me to ever be w/someone who didn't have a great family, like mine. They are a lot like my own family, have the same religion, beliefs, values, etc. The problem for me, at the time (not anymore)... was that I thought if he talked to them a lot, that he wouldn't need me... that I'd be forgotten or pushed aside. (2) Jon thinks I hate(d) how he was w/Jackson (ie "too affectionate""easy", etc that he said). NO!!! At the time, it was the same thing... I thought if he was that way to him, why would he need or want me? (of course, that was then, this is now- NOW I feel different- I'm different to Jon than a child or family would ever be, I'm a different kind of love, a partner, etc.) Trust me, I used to want so bad to be part of that little bond... and that was why I think it came across that I didn't like how Jon was or behaved. NO WAY! I wouldn't want him to change at all, ever. When I fell in love with him, a few weeks after we met... it was for being him. That has never changed. Of course, there are times I think he can be more "mean" in life, but there are times he thinks I can be "nicer" in life. But we balance each other! We used to say we are like his parents... his dad was me and his mom was him! haha. But really... its like we are the others' half in ways.
I promise I've never had anything but good thoughts and feelings, and if it came across that way in the past because of things I've done... ask me about them! Call me out! Ask WHY I did, and listen to what I say. Then forget about it and know that they happened in the PAST to make things better in the PRESENT and FUTURE!!!! They'll never regress to that! Only continue to grow, get better, and blossom! I promise!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment