Just realized!

You know what I just realized?! I've been kind of talking around it for forever... and it just dawned on me. @ the beginning... you know what the "problems" were that made it seem like I wasn't very accepting or "good" about stuff?! Well, I just realized... it was that I thought of parenting as different as what was actually happening. Meaning... someone like Jon had almost 4 years to figure out parenting and being around a child all the time. I had "thoughts" of how being a parent/dad/mom should be... so when I got into the relationship, I didn't have the luxury of time on my side, nor experience. Is that bad? No, I dont think so, its just how it was! I thought that what I had "always" thought it would be like... it wasnt. Like- I used to think kids shouldnt be too spoiled or have pop a lot of get away with stuff... etc. (Those are my examples.) SO, when that would happen... I would get irritated because I would think it was "wrong" and that wasn't how parents were "supposed" to be. DUH! It all makes sense to me now! I was young and just thought that every parent thought the same thing... And now I know even MORE that it was never ever something that I wanted Jon (or his son for that matter!) to do differently... it was never me personally that wanted it differently... even though it came across that way. It was that I thought there was an IDEAL or a SPECIFIC way that everyone knew it should be done. Make sense? I never had/have wanted Jon to change who he is or be someone else... I know now that I just wanted things to be SO good (I know that seems confusing)... basically, perfect, that I went completely the OPPOSITE way... I would get mad at something because I would think that then in the long run it would cause more harm then good. Make sense? It was just how I had read books and magazines and it all on parenting... that when I actually got into the "situation", I had no time to prepare, to ready myself, to learn... and I thought I already KNEW. Yes, I'm admitting I didn't and don't know everything! Now, I've lived it... I've learned that books do give you the basics, but its day by day and play by play and LIVING in it that gives you the real knowledge. Thats why now, we had been together longer... I have more experience... I understand what motivates a parent, and what motivates a child... to do things and act the way they do. I feel now like I'm a "mom" at heart, although still not perfect w/everything @ ALL! I understand that the basics (that I thought when coming into this relationship) about parenting (that I apparently thought should be followed to a 'T'- duh Heidi)... are the cold, hard facts. And they're just that... cold and hard. To be a parent or step-parent isn't just about those facts (like I had thought when entering, and thus motivated me to try to make it so "perfect" - like a book- that it was like I was the opposite)... yes, that as a basis... but warm and soft is what it should actually be when parenting! This, therefore, made our relationship harder because it was like we were going in opposite directions or around in circles with the "situation" stuff, because Jon actually knew from real-world experience, and I thought I was helping by giving my (book) "knowledge"... thinking it was the end-all, be-all of what it should be. NOW I KNOW!!! I'm so happy I'm so much further along (and we both are- I know he's learned a little from me and my "what they say you should do" knowledge!) in my knowledge, understanding, and feelings about the "situation" and daily lives. I love the "situation" and am so much more open-minded... I want to help make it an enrichment in everyone's lives!