Space

"For some people, time apart is good... it makes them realize who they are, what they want, and gives them a second chance at the most incredible love they'll ever have."

Is space in a relationship good? Is it helpful? In a relationship where one person or another needs some more free-time and to not feel "smothered"... does this work?! I have mixed reviews and thoughts on this...

I think YES, it is helpful! It helps one or both parties have more time to think about their life, the other person, and things they may miss or notice without their significant other around. It can be reflection time and time to have for re-connecting with friends or family that we often get out-of-touch with more when we're in a relationship. This time can make it possible for the person wanting the space to realize he can have both a life outside of "her" and a life with her... that it is all possible to want and have! And be successful! Space and time apart a little more also makes the two people miss each other and get a little more excited to see, hang out with, or talk to the other person! A lot more happens in the others' life when you're not around, so there is a lot more to talk about on the phone or in person! I have personally seen all of this... "he" seems less stressed when we are hanging out, and it seems like we are able to talk about and discuss a lot more things! The other benefit, is that you crave each other more... In many different ways that I've talked about... but also in physical ways. You crave their face, touch, holding their hand, kissing them, and being intimate with them. I have personally seen and felt this tremendously as well. When you aren't seeing that person all the time... this physical part comes up a lot more when you are actually with the person! This makes the sex a lot better as well... you want it more, crave them more, and it heats everything up!

Some of the downfalls and why I think NO it is not good or helpful stem from the person not wanting the space. This person can feel hurt, sad, lonely, and disconnected from the other person in their life. You can be worried there is more to it than just wanting space, and constantly questioning and having anxiety over what they're doing, if they're missing you, and how long they're going to need this "more space". I definately believe that it can make the couple feel very disconnected, as they may go from knowing everything about their other half's life to feeling like they know nothing. This, while maybe good for the other person in some sense, is not necessarily good for the person not wanting the space. Another con of having more space, I think, is that it can feel like others (like friends and family) are more important than you!

I think, good or bad, what both parties have to remember is that if its love you can make it work no matter what... I truly believe that. And if it takes having space for it to work out, then so be it. It will be hard, it will be uncomfortable, it may be okay at some times but feel terrible at others.

In my life right now... this is exactly what is happening. Some days I feel okay wtih it... but others, like today... I feel terrible about it. I feel like- why hasn't he called me as much?- doesn't he wonder what I'M up to?- it isn't the way it used to be- is that okay or is it terrible?!-is this space and time helping him and our relationship?- or, what is the point? I am okay with it as long as the end result- sooner or later- is a relationship that is better than the way it was before the "space". Today, though... not fun. I feel hurt. I feel lonely. I feel like he doesn't care. I feel like I am out of the loop of his life. I feel like I am alone in the relationship. Tomorrow, though... is a new day!

Who Moved My Cheese?

Change- it happens for a reason. I hate change because I like comfort... I am a creature of habit... and I like it (with the stipulation that I like it as long as its comfortable!)... But, what do you do if you're faced with those times that you HAVE to change? Like, my story right now... I have been in the relationship with Jon for going on 3 years now. We have been dating, living together, engaged... Now we are having more "space", and living separately. This is an uncomfortable, changed stage that I am not familiar with. BUT, in doing so, I am realizing the benefits (like funnier conversations, I-havent-seen-you-in-awhile sex, and more cuddling!). If I wouldnt have looked around and jumped into trying this, I would never have realized that change... although uncomfortable, helps you enjoy the new environment or "cheese".

Please enjoy the great "Who Moved My Cheese" video. If you want more, check out the book "Who Moved My Cheese" by Dr. Spencer Johnson.