Family In-Law- Facts and Help

http://www.foundationsforfreedom.net/Topics/Parenting/Parenting10_In-Laws.html

#1- Be Humble

Good communication with our family is dependent upon how much we are able to apologize for our sins against our parents and clear up any past misunderstandings. Past offenses and pride cause misunderstandings and arguments.

#2- Be Honoring: Consistently respect your parents

We assure them of our value for them by respecting them. The relationship you have with your parents is most likely the one you will have with your children. So now is the time to change! Your children are learning how to relate to you by the way you relate to your parents.

#3- Family harmony is dependent on how much love and truth shapes our relationship with our parents. Truth must be shared in a context of love and care to be accepted.

The truth about this site... ask for forgiveness if there were past problems. This is the way to maintain an excellent relationship.



http://ocw.usu.edu/Family__Consumer____Human_Development/Marriage___Family_Relationships/Personal_Interests___Expectations_11.html

"Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too."- Unknown

Problems can arise for couples when one or both spouse's parents are not willing to let go of their child and give them the freedom they need to form a new life of their own with the partner they have chosen. Another source of problems is that new spouses (husbands and wives included) are sometimes unwilling to let go of their parents. Either way it can be a recipe for problems in a new marriage.

Give your marital and in-law relationships time to form. It may take a year or two.

Learn to love your in-laws. Someday they may live with you.

Remember that in-laws change very slowly. Fault finding seldom speeds the process.

Gradually move your relationship with your parents from parent-child to parent-peer.

Listen to advice and counsel from your in-laws but make your own decisions regarding finances, children, etc.

Demonstrate and tell of your love for your spouse in front of your parents.

Share some social interests are activities with your new in-law family.

Frequently use the word "we." Be a team.

Respond to your mother and father-in-law as a team as much as possible.


http://love.ivillage.com/fnf/fnfinlaws/0,,808-2,00.html

"When we talk about in-laws, we're almost always talking about mothers-in-law, it seems, with sisters-in-law running a close second. What is it about the other women in our men's lives, the ones they grew up with and who, presumably, helped shape them into the guys we love? Some of us are lucky enough to become fast friends with these women, to find an additional set of shoulders to lean on, even to discover a replacement for a mother we lost or are distant from. But then there are the difficult cases -- and from the number of "Oh, you've been there, too?" responses, it seems that in-law troubles are pretty darn common."

Some common problems and advice to go along with it:

1- "We have very different lifestyles."

The lowdown: Communicate with the family in regards to what you both expect when talking or visiting each other.

2- "My mother in law is impossible!"

The lowdown: The parents need to accept you for who you are. Life is too short to hate, and its better to just accept someone is a certain way than to hate them. The couple needs to be able to turn the other cheek if the mother is being unreasonable. (I would personally say it works both ways, she should do that to the couple as well, if needed!)

3- "They won't accept me."

The lowdown: Some find that no matter what they do to try to please the in-laws, there is no winning. They may blame the new (daughter) in-law for problems with their son, or start accusing her of taking him away from his family. (Clip from the website from a reader: "This past year I've done all I can to encourage him to be with his family. I've invited his family to several events as well as to my home, but there's nothing I can do to get them to accept me. Whenever there is a dispute between my fiance and his ex, his family sides with her. And if they can't figure out a way to blame him for it, it becomes my fault.") SO- some say it is best to just accept that they won't change, but mostly be unfront with your husband, so he can see. He may be able to speak with them and point out difficiencies better than you could to them. The guy should make sure his family gets to know you.

4- "We had a huge blow-up."

The lowdown: A big fight with them... From the webiste-"I think that you should be the better person and apologize for acting that way," she says. But that's not to say one should roll over and be a wimp, either. "Tell them exactly what drove you to that. It is important that you set the ground rules as to what you consider acceptable and what you find offensive." She also stresses the importance of keeping your cool. "Flying off the handle gives them ammunition to treat you badly and speak ill of you." The wife/daughter in-law should need to know where your significant other stands and to confront his family as a team. "It will cause a strain on your marriage because your husband is in the middle. It is important that he is there -- they will know that you guys are one and have one voice."

The basics?

"Set boundaries within which you can function with your in-laws. Be the kinder and more generous one, despite what others do; bad behavior on your part doesn't so much let you "get even" with your in-laws as make you a lesser person. And, finally, make sure you know where your husband stands, and that he's willing to stand with you as a teammate."

Quotes

3 year relationship... the last year, up and down, good and bad... FRUSTRATING! I know its love... so, whats the problem?! Is it really "us", or something else that adds stress and worried thought about the future?! I am compiling a list of quotes that describe what I (therefore a lot of you others out there!) feel, have felt, think I may feel, or that "he" could be feeling.

• "One day you're going to wake up and realize how much you care for, love, and need her...and when that day comes, she'll be waking up next to the guy who already knew."
• "Never give up on somebody you can't go a day without thinking about."
• "It's not up to me anymore... if you want me in your life, you'll find a way to put me there."
• "If he's dumb enough to walk out of your life, be smart enough to let him go."
• "I'm something you'll regret losing... I promise you that."
• "As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll fight with your best friend and you might even fall in love with him. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you care about. So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt, because every minute you spend mad or upset is a minute of happiness that you'll never get back."
• "Never settle for anything less, when your heart is crying out for more."
• "Someone out there is meant to be the love of your life,your best friend, your soulmate, the one you can tell your dreams to.he'll smile at you when you tell him, but he'll never laugh at your heart. he'll brush the hair out of your eyes. he'll call you to tell you goodnight before you get into bed or just because he is thinking about you. he'll be bursting to talk to you each morning just to hear the sound of your voice. he'll look into your eyes and tell you that you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and for the first time in your life ... you'll believe it."
• "Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...who calls you back when you hang up on him...who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead... who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats... who holds your hand in front of his friends...who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on...one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you... the one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.' "
• "So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day." -The Notebook
• "Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart.Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?"- Jack Johnson
• "After a while you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." -Mr Big

There will be more... probably a lot more! I love these and will update often!