Sperm donor vs. DAD!!!

What makes a good father? I’ve talked about being a mom, step-mom, families… but not just completely about what it takes to be a good dad and what women (or at least I) want in the qualities of a good father! I read a quote that’s totally true… women don’t just want a sperm donor!!! J But, in saying that… WHY do some men, besides it just being their personalities, think it’s okay to just get the woman pregnant and that’s their only job. Like leaving the child raising solely to the mom is right, good, or beneficial for anyone? Most women, at least the ones I know, including me, want to be with someone that would be a great dad. Anyone guys out there can father a child… but it makes it who they are to be a good DAD! Agree? Disagree? Most women want what’s best for their children or step-children, and that means having a partner in crime to raise the kids! Two heads and hearts are better than one! So for all you dads out there…be a good one!!! I was blessed to have a great dad… one that would do things with me, help me, discipline me (I hated that at the time!), ask me about my day, and love me. He would do anything for me. They say that girls want to marry men that are like their fathers… and I want to marry a guy that’s the same, a great dad to his kids (along with a great husband to his wife!).

What qualities does a great dad possess? Here’s a few…
· Have fun with them! Smile and be friendly.
· Discipline along with the mother… make parenting a partnership so the child has a solid front of support
· You’re a provider… in many ways, not only financially, but emotionally
· Say “I love you” and “I’m proud of you”… affection and warmth
· Be a supportive teacher through what you do and say. Kids will not grow up and automatically make the right decisions and know right from wrong- they need to be taught! You will make mistakes, and so will they… just make sure that you or they are learning from the mistakes and not making them over and over!
· Make traditions with your child solely, and as your family as a whole
· Respect your children’s mother. Mutual respect, no matter if married or not, will show you can lead by example. Children will see this and it will greatly influence the way they will be in a relationship and as a parent
· Set achievable goals for them
· Make the time and commit the energy to learn the skills you will need to be a caring, empathetic, and competent dad. Remember you and your wife/the mom are teaching each other along the way too, and the learning never ends! Kids are wonderful teachers!
· Read to your children! Kids learn best by learning and doing… they will grow up this day and promote a lifetime of personal and career growth
· Eat together as a family. This will add structure to a busy day and offers a chance for listening, advice, and togetherness! (I, by the way, LOVE this part of a day!!!! J- it’s my favorite!)

If you are a dad and already possess these qualities… congratulations…. You’re amazing! You have an unbelievable amount of responsibility and you should be so proud! Good job. Your child will greatly benefit and thank you one day!

Remember: Being a parent is one of the most rewarding yet challenging jobs you can have. No one is born being a natural mom or dad; these skills are learned, and some take more time than others!

Just realized!

You know what I just realized?! I've been kind of talking around it for forever... and it just dawned on me. @ the beginning... you know what the "problems" were that made it seem like I wasn't very accepting or "good" about stuff?! Well, I just realized... it was that I thought of parenting as different as what was actually happening. Meaning... someone like Jon had almost 4 years to figure out parenting and being around a child all the time. I had "thoughts" of how being a parent/dad/mom should be... so when I got into the relationship, I didn't have the luxury of time on my side, nor experience. Is that bad? No, I dont think so, its just how it was! I thought that what I had "always" thought it would be like... it wasnt. Like- I used to think kids shouldnt be too spoiled or have pop a lot of get away with stuff... etc. (Those are my examples.) SO, when that would happen... I would get irritated because I would think it was "wrong" and that wasn't how parents were "supposed" to be. DUH! It all makes sense to me now! I was young and just thought that every parent thought the same thing... And now I know even MORE that it was never ever something that I wanted Jon (or his son for that matter!) to do differently... it was never me personally that wanted it differently... even though it came across that way. It was that I thought there was an IDEAL or a SPECIFIC way that everyone knew it should be done. Make sense? I never had/have wanted Jon to change who he is or be someone else... I know now that I just wanted things to be SO good (I know that seems confusing)... basically, perfect, that I went completely the OPPOSITE way... I would get mad at something because I would think that then in the long run it would cause more harm then good. Make sense? It was just how I had read books and magazines and it all on parenting... that when I actually got into the "situation", I had no time to prepare, to ready myself, to learn... and I thought I already KNEW. Yes, I'm admitting I didn't and don't know everything! Now, I've lived it... I've learned that books do give you the basics, but its day by day and play by play and LIVING in it that gives you the real knowledge. Thats why now, we had been together longer... I have more experience... I understand what motivates a parent, and what motivates a child... to do things and act the way they do. I feel now like I'm a "mom" at heart, although still not perfect w/everything @ ALL! I understand that the basics (that I thought when coming into this relationship) about parenting (that I apparently thought should be followed to a 'T'- duh Heidi)... are the cold, hard facts. And they're just that... cold and hard. To be a parent or step-parent isn't just about those facts (like I had thought when entering, and thus motivated me to try to make it so "perfect" - like a book- that it was like I was the opposite)... yes, that as a basis... but warm and soft is what it should actually be when parenting! This, therefore, made our relationship harder because it was like we were going in opposite directions or around in circles with the "situation" stuff, because Jon actually knew from real-world experience, and I thought I was helping by giving my (book) "knowledge"... thinking it was the end-all, be-all of what it should be. NOW I KNOW!!! I'm so happy I'm so much further along (and we both are- I know he's learned a little from me and my "what they say you should do" knowledge!) in my knowledge, understanding, and feelings about the "situation" and daily lives. I love the "situation" and am so much more open-minded... I want to help make it an enrichment in everyone's lives!

Back to School!

Today my bf's son started 1st Grade- first day of school! To me, I think that 1st Grade is not quite as nerve-racking as Kindergarten for all parties involved (child, parents, family)... but it is still DEFINATELY a big deal, especially in the aspect of the child's life thus far. Meaning, for a child, this is probably one of the biggest deals they've had in their life at the age of 6! Anyway, Jon met his son (who was taken there by his mother today) at school around 8 am. Jon was not too "worried" in my opinion, but definately happy to be a proud dad for the first day of 1st grade! He took his camera to take a few pictures once he got to the school... and ones to then send on to his family, who lives a few hours away! I will try to sneak away with his camera before the weekend to print some off for them to give to his parents (gma and gpa) this weekend as a surprise! So, this school thing, to me, being an "almost" or "sometimes almost" step-mom, is something that I've been thinking about all week, and definately all of today. I feel left out of the equation of school with him... out of the loop... or like I am meaningless in his son's life because I am not his mom, nor am I his family, who I am sure knows almost MORE than I do about his school, teacher, etc. It's almost like... I volunteer constantly, as I did today, to watch his son... it is not a hassle to me, not a pain to me, not something I feel like I "have" to do. But, it is more something I want to do, I have fun watching him, he has fun with me, and I know Jon can trust me with him... as I know the routine, his personality, etc. So, it really hurts me when I feel I am not taken up on my offer, or even asked if I would do it. It makes me feel like I am not really part of either Jon or his son's life in some ways. But, I keep trying to move forward and prove that I am in it for the long run, through good and bad with his son, and as a constant helper and supporter when I am needed! I love his son so much that it makes me feel so sad that I can't show it more, because I feel I am not supposed to at this point in our relationship life! Anyway... if "SPACE" isn't being used tonight (sarcasm, yes!)... regardless if Jon will want me or "let" me watch his son after school (since there is no daycare yet and Jon works longer than me!)... I was thinking I'd bring a "1st day of back to school" surprise for Jackson from me, along with cooking a dinner that he loves- tuna (we call it chicken!) casserole with blueberry muffins! I think this would be a great way to start back on a weeknight... and he'd get some stability out of feeling good about his day! Anyway... this is all on my mind, and I hope I can do this, because it makes me feel included. It is so hard for me to try to make our relationship feel better (about that stuff) when I cannot prove anything! I don't think that Jon often understands that I WANT to do everything I do, I LIKE to do it, I LOVE his son, and it is not at all a hassle... I want my life to be full of good things, but I most want in life to have someone I love, have a family with them (and I don't always know if he knows that INCLUDES his son, of course!), and be a great wife, mom, and step-mom. I want that so, so bad... it hurts when it's not realized or thought of value by others. Anyone else have problems or hurt feelings being step-moms?

Anyway, I am 110% positive I don't doubt myself on EVER being a great wife, mom, and step-mom! I'll be the greatest!!!