New Year!

Wow! It has officially been FOREVER since I've written! Whoops! So much has happened since the start of 2009... in a way anyway! I hope everyone has had a great month and a half so far! Mine started with a different perspective then I thought, but its been a good thing! So what have I learned that I think is important for anyone?!?! Wellll....

1. Some people will walk into your life to bring light to your life, give you perspective, or for some reason that you won't know at the time. Go with it. Learn from them.

2. Listen to what others want. Take it into consideration and communicate with them. Tell the truth.

3. Enjoy looking at some people... daydreaming and smiling is fun! :)

4. Step outside of your box. I was scared to death to do some things that it had been a while to do... but I communicated that and was comforted- and ya know what?! I feel awefully comfortable with it now!

5. Be proud of yourself for taking little steps in your life to become better, step outside your box, or move on. It may be awkward at first.... but its oh so fun afterwards. You're in control!

So, these may seem vague... BUT- all true! I've had some small personal changes from about Christmas- on... and I'm truly starting to find out what is important, what is not important, what I want in the future, and for life.

Life

I've been thinking about what I want out of life lately, and I've made numerous posts about it. Well, those are things I definitely want, and want to share with someone. The things that've been questioned, though, are what I want for the other person. I want the best for the person I'm with! The best of everything of course! It hurts when my motives are questioned, but I know how I feel and what I want. You no longer, once you're in a serious relationship, think of it just about yourself anymore. You have to take into account things the other person sees as important, wants out of life, and goals he wants to accomplish, etc. Its easier said than done, but I feel good knowing in myself, I'm giving, caring, always been there when he has needed me, and good at communicating. I care about his opinion and wants more than he will ever know. I have a deep need to make everything good and for a great life. Its kinda hard to explain on here... But all very true.







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Truth?

To quote a song... "Its not what you have, its what you believe in..."
How true is this? Is life truly about believing? Believing that everything will be okay? Taking risks? Or is it about taking your time making absolutely sure of something? I think you have it all if you believe!


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Life Wants

Do you ever think about what you want in life? Will you do whatever it takes to get it?

For me, a lot of my life wants involve the person I want it with. So, I'll give you my "5 year plan"... but basically into my life of what I want (involving not just me!)...

I want... to fall in love with my best friend, my soul-mate, someone that i'm SO comfortable with, that makes me laugh, that we share the same values, that is my other half, that will support me when I'm down, that I can tell anything to, and... that is the love of my life. I've found him.
I want... to get married. I used to want a big, traditional, church wedding. Part of me still wants this, but I'm at a place now where I would feel so happy getting married... wherever. To me, now, its not so much about all of the "things" at a wedding (ie: the flowers, decor, music, etc), but actually about the two people that are getting married, and then their families that go along with it. I want it to be about the people, and have some romance, not just business-like "stuff". I would go get married tomorrow @ the city hall... and never look back, I'm sure of it! Having that person to spend the rest of your life with is what has the appeal to me. Someone to count on and make a life with. But, I still think it'd be fun, once the pressure of the actual marriage is over... to have a re-vow church ceremony and reception/dance if we'd want! Church is important to me, and so is family... so that'd be fun b/c the actual marriage would have happened already- so no pressure! If I'd have a traditional wedding, though, I'd maybe go all out. I've been engaged, and had it be a lot of my wants, which was important to him b/c it was to me... but this time I'd have it be about what WE want. I would definitely want our families to play a huge role in helping. Their support and help would be amazing, and I know we both have good enough families that this would happen! A big family event! With of course all of our friends. We both like to dance and party a little so it'd be a blast! I would also run off to Vegas or fly to a tropical island, no doubts about either! No matter how I get married, though, I want some special vows... something we both say from the heart!
I want... lots of fun times! Vacations, get-togethers, family reunions, parties, etc! Celebrate lots of things!
I want... a deck and room for entertaining. I want to have people over for dinner, for drinks, for Super-Bowl parties, etc!
I want... to throw birthday parties! I want to bake cakes for our birthdays, my kids... and go all out! I want them to feel SO special on this day! I want to plan and decorate and have everyone feel so good about having fun!
I want... to always stay close to my/our families. I want to frequent home for special events, like births, birthdays, family suppers, family reunions, etc. I also want them to come visit and stay a lot on the weekends and come for our parties and functions!
I want... to always be in love and have the feeling that my boyfriend/fiance/husband will never leave me. I want to feel content and know we are partners in life... through good and bad, ups and downs, when its easy or hard.
I want... to have some kids! I'm not sure how many, but I want them! Sometimes I want 2, plus ... sometimes I want 3 (and people think I'm crazy!)...sometimes 4. I also think it'd be a blast to have twins! We'll see, but I know I/we want them. I want my/our kids to have amazing parents, as I know I will be the best mom ever also!
I want... to be an amazing mom!
I want... to have girls nights out on a regular basis! To go have drinks and be silly and talk about stuff that guys hate! I want to talk about guys and in the future our kids... and clothes and romance and work, etc! These are important!
I want... my husband to have lots of friends and never feel bothered when I want to hang out with my girlfriends! He should want to hang out with his friends on a regular basis as well... they should go golfing and get drinks and go to football games without women bugging them!
I want... to have open and honest communication, as well as compromise, at all times. Its important to not let things build up and bother you, and the person I'm with should be able to communicate to me- and I PROMISE I will be on their side! They should talk to me and me to them, and if we don't agree... b/c we won't always!... then we come to a compromise that we both agree on.. no neither one us us feels compromised! :) I want to be able to talk about serious things, dreams, wants, work, life, kids, everything.
I want... to have it be a fall Saturday and I go out to lunch with a friend while I have a pregnant belly... and know my husband is on the couch watching a football game with a beer... and I'll come home and relax in the office on the computer or making some food in the kitchen... then later we'll go out for dinner with our friends.
I want... to go on walks and runs and bike-rides in the summer!
I want... to grill out. Even brats. Turkey cheddar brats with ketchup and mustard and no bun. I'll make potatoes and all sorts of other things. And someday have a CHARCOAL grill- even just a little one! For the taste! And we'll make s'mores too.
I want... to cook lots of food. Pork roast in the crockpot, chicken casserole, chicken and dumplings, lasagna, egg bake, grilled cheese and tomato/chicken noodle soup, spaghetti, tuna casserole and blueberry muffins, etc.
I want... to have days I can spend all alone at "our" house cleaning! Everyone goes away and its just me to do laundry, wash the floors, vacuum, dust, wash the tubs and toilet (I despise that part!), make the beds, etc!
I want... to go to baseball games during the summer! From little league, then our kids, to my brothers, our family, I-Cubs, professional, anything! I love the game and sounds and food and atmosphere!
I want... to go to Iowa Hawkeye football games! Someday to have season tickets and it be a regular Saturday in the fall kinda thing. And, if I wouldnt want to go to all of them... I still want to be part of it... Or I could even tailgate! Just the general aspect of it is so much fun!
I want... to have romantic stuff. Not all the time... and not over-the-top... but a flower every once in a while, or a card or email "just because"... this means the world to me! Just to feel special and wanted.
I want... to have lots of sex. Good sex. Crazy-fun sex; slow, tired sex; lots of kissing sex; I-can't-believe-we-did-that sex; intense sex. I want it all- with the person that I love to do it with... and that loves to do it with me!
I want... holidays full of excitement. I want to spend nights wrapping Christmas gifts... Halloweens dressing up... Easters hiding eggs for the kids... etc.
I want... for "us" to pick out "our" house... and have to fix it up. To paint it, get new furniture, and decorate it!
I want... to be in the house doing some cooking/cleaning/scrapbooking/whatever... while my husband is outside mowing the lawn and dinking around with tools!
I want... to spend lazy nights ordering pizza. Ones where we just want to rent a movie and do nothing!
I want... to be in on conversations with who we WANT and DON'T WANT to do well... for Sunday and Monday pm Fantasy Football!
I want... a new car... And help picking it out! Something that will be perfect... really pretty and something I look hot driving, of course... but with enough room to pick people and a family up!
I want... no doubt about me being "The One".

Have it ALL!

In life, is is possible for us to have it all? I think two different ways on this one. First of all, YES, I totally think it is possible for us to have it all. How perfect everything, on the other hand, is a different story. Let me explain. Right now, I have a great guy, a great family, great friends, good health, a good job, and enough money to make it (ha- of course that could always be more!). Is that ALL I want out of life? No. But is it the building blocks and structure for me having it all? Yes. I have it all for where I am in my life right now... But, I could definately have it "all" a little more. Meaning... I want to get married, have kids, live in a big house, drive a nice car, have a better career or my own business, have more money, and start doing more things (ie: having parties at our house, going on more vacations). BUT... I think that will all come.



Of course, its work and effort to have it "all"... and it will never be PERFECT. But, you can just accept that it all will never be perfect but you can still have it all. I do not think that there are enough hours in the day, expecting that we can control them all- which we can't, to keep them all perfect and up to where we would want them. But, that does not mean that they're not there, and as long as they are usually great and have more days than bad ones... what more could we ask for? That IS having it all!!!



My personal example... sometimes my relationship is going great, I've had a great place to live, I've been healthy, but my career sucks. Sometimes my career is great but my relationship sucks. But I say sucks... it is basically that it isn't as GREAT as I would want it to be. But its still there for me to have it all!

How do you have or not have it all?!

Letter to a Man

I want to take the time to write you a little letter so you enver doubt or worry about what I want out of life, out of our relationship, or out of you. My dreams for life are with you... you as my soul mate, love of my life, best friend (or best buddy!), fiance, husband, and father to our children. My dreams and goals in life are with you... and they are to be the best fiancee, wife, step-mom, and mom possible to you, your son, and our kids. I truly want that, as a family, with you, more than anything else. I have so many dreams of an amazing family... one that can smile, laugh, be close, love each other, and survive the good and bad times that'll come. It seems at times you doubt my sincerity when I say those things, or that you may worry or think they'll change for me. Well, I can tell you with 120% sincerity that they won't. I know that deep down to my core, and promise you that for everyday. I know things with J have been on your mind now and always... and what I can tell you is that I love you unconditionally, and I want what you want for him. I have definite high expectations of things I want for my kids (and when I say that, that includes him- I hope you've know that means him no differently than ones of mine or ours), like them having great lives, fun times, enough discipline to raise them to be GREAT adults, and parents that they know care about and love them beyond belief. So, its hard for me when it seems like you are worrying that I feel or will feel differently about him and things with him. I truly think that it will only continue to get better every day with him and us with him... Does that make sense? Meaning, how could you or I ever think that in 6 mo, 1 yr, 5 yrs, or 10 yrs, that my thoughts, feelings, and actions with him would ever change for the worse? Every day he does and will only continue to feel like more of part of my life, and more like someone that I am having an affect on (his life), as well as me feeling like a (step) mom to him. And, though I don't have kids of my own, I cannot imagine ever being able to give up on my own kids or ever not wanting them in my life (yes, bad times and disagreeing times n all)... and I feel exactly the same about him and his life. I always want to be the best step-mom to him, and someone he feels, as he keeps growing up, that is a soft spot for him, someone he can come to with concerns, or just talk to like a regular "mom" would. I want that feeling for him, me, and you so bad, that it completely hurts that I think you may doubt my sincerity or that it would ever change. I know without a doubt in my mind, that it won't. I know your goals in life include raising him to be great, you being an amazing dad (which you area already succeeding at!), being a great boyfriend/fiance/husband to someone you love and care about, and having a family, along with still being close to your important family and friends. Our goals, wants, morals, and values completely line up, as does our chemistry and love. I truly feel God is with us and put us together for a reason... with all my heart I do!

Love ya!