Wednesday, October 29, 2008
80%
"Let me give you a word of caution: If you think you have met Mr or Ms Perfect, then you need to also yourself in the face or take a cold shower, because you are mesmerized. The 100 prevent candidate doesn't exist. That's right; the perfect myth is a myth right up there with painless dentistry and painless waxing. What I'm telling you is instead of wasting time searching for an exact match, look for the person who is free of the deal breakers and has 80 prevent of what you do want in a partner. The other 20 percent you can grow. If a person has 80 percent of what you want and potential to grow the extra 20 prevent, you need to bag that one up because they are good to go. Do not walk past them while you're looking for Mr or Ms 100 Percent, because somebody else is going to marry Mr or Ms 80 Percent and you are going to be standing 60 percent sad and 40 percent frustrated." - Dr Phil
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Wonder
So does anyone ever wonder why guys, or girls for that matter, do the things they do? Not ones that I'm close to, but others. Like, wtf, WHY would somewhat random ones, or acquaintances, do or say some things? Would they think it would be impressive? Make a girl feel good? Duh!
Career Goals
" Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is." - Vince Lombardi
Who has goals in life? Well, hopefully everyone... otherwise whats the point?! I know I've given quite a few of my personal/relationship/life goals. But what about others... things for career, etc? Well, for me... I want to be able to someday have my own business! I think that would be an absolute blast, although a lot of hard work... but it would be something that would contribute and work in well to the kind of life I would like. I would love to have my own business, somehow at home/online, etc. I would enjoy this in my life because it would enable me (and my spouse!) to get the work done around the house... things cleaned, good meals made (instead of hurring to get home by 6 or 630 to grab a cheeseburger every pm), errands ran, etc. This, to me would make it better for me, because I actually enjoy those things. It would also make it better in those ways for my husband because he wouldn't have to worry about them! It would make us both be able to enjoy the nights/time off work more as well! I would like knowing our errands are run, we're having a good meal, we're staying in touch with friends and family better (I buy cards, gifts, RSVP to things, plan get-togethers, etc)... and we can enjoy each other and our family @ night doing fun things instead of things we HAVE to do. Make sense? In addition, I have a great education and would definately want to use it, as well as keep making money! I think it would be awesome to be able to contribute in that way as well, to keep "money stress" low too! I would love to do this along with having a family... enabling me to have kids stay at home with me or me pick them up from school, etc. I think they would do better in the long run and have a more stable kind of home life, which I think is extremely important! So, that is one of my goals! I think it is very important to keep bettering yourself, trying new things, and succeeding! I would also love to continue to volunteer, and help other people. I think that doing so makes you feel better and have a better attitude in life!
What goals in life do you have? Do you think that where you are now is where you want to be in 1, 5, 10 years!?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Forgiveness
"In the Bible it says that God loves the world so much that he sent his only Son so that we could be forgiven. As people, we all make mistakes, not one of us can live up to the standard God set, on our own. But God promises that if we accept what Jesus did for us, we can be forgiven. The slate can be wiped clean no matter what has happened in the past. If one was wronged, those need to be forgivers and then will be the true followers. God promises us strength for today and bright hope for the future. Whatever happened in our yesterdays God can take care of all of our tomorrows."
Friday, October 24, 2008
Getting along!!! (w/the ex, step, etc!)
So… I know I’ve written quite a bit on step-families and everything that goes along with it. I hope you know that this truly is something I take a vested interest in and that means the world to me to be involved in. No, its not easy. No, its not “ideal” for anyone. BUT… Yes, it can be good. Yes, it can be normal. Yes, it can be something that you couldn’t dream of ever being w/o! I recently got the opportunity to experience how life “is” for other people in this similar situation. I’ve seen the kids firsthand and the parents that come for the kids… and I’ll tell you, it warms my heart. Beyond belief. Its hard to see kids that don’t have a very good family life, but wow does it make you appreciate having a good one growing up, and moreso wanting to MAKE a great home life for your kids (step and when you have your own). Makes you value what you have and can do!
What I’ve thought about is those that have step-moms/dads, and how they get along with or communicate with the “other” parent. I’ve thought about this a lot and seen first-hand quite a bit… but I thought I’d do some research for myself. So, what I found, agree with, and will use personally include on being the “2nd woman”, “step-mom”, etc:
What you see is what you get - A man who is kind and loving to you, who also has an ex-wife. He is a package deal and you must decide if you can accept the package. If the ex is at all volatile, the guess is that the ex-wife has many unsolved issues with her ex-husband and there is really nothing you can do about the way they interact with each other. If she is “not a good mom”, why would you want to have a relationship with a man who does not protect his kids from a bad mother? If his kids are hurting, that’s what matters and you and him need to be the bigger people and take control of making them have a good life. Because he has children, he will have a connection with his ex-wife for the rest of his life. You cannot do anything to remedy this situation. You have no control over how other people conduct their lives. You only have control over what you do. If she treats her ex (or child!) bad, the advice is to tell him that it hurts you too much to see how this woman treats him. Just let him know it hurts you but you are here for him. And want to be his partner! “If she finds happiness and falls in love again herself, she will be more accepting of his happiness.” (From Heidi: this is SO true, I’ve gotten this advice from a very smart woman before!)
Basically, let the kids know that you love them. Tell the kids that you aren't the enemy. Let the ex wife know that you aren't the enemy and you aren't trying to replace her. Make sure the ex wife knows that you aren't trying to be the only mom to be her kids. The ex wife usually doesn't want to feel threatened by you by feeling replaced. Some of them don't like the idea of their ex husband getting married again. It is usually because she is jealous or unhappy in her life. She may get jealous if the ex wife is a single mom that is working two jobs to pay the monthly bills. The ex wife may get jealous cause of you and your husband have less stress and more happiness. It could be a number of things. Sure, some ex wifes don't care if the ex husband gets married again, but most of them do care. Make sure to talk to the kids. Let them know that you are there for them if they ever need you. Be sweet to them and be fun. They might have a difficult time getting use to the fact of another mom that will take care of them. Make sure to never anything bad about the mom in front of the kids. Always say good things about her. Make sure to be friendly and nice when you talk to their mom.
Oftentimes, it is not possible to forge a friendly relationship with your stepchildren's mother because of all that has happened in the past. If she abandoned her children and cheated on your husband, there is no reason why you would want to be around her, let alone be her friend. However, for the sake of the children, you should try to put those personal feelings to one side whenever you are in the same room with your stepchildren and their mother. That means learning to build a cordial relationship with one another that revolves around the children. It does not have to involve any personal insight into each other's lives. Think of it as a business relationship. You want to clinch the deal, so you will try to impress your new business associate. It is similar with how you should behave around your stepchildren's mother. In order to keep the children happy and secure, you should be willing to exchange pleasantries and work together for the sake of the children. As the children grow older and leave home, there will not be a need for such a close tie with their mother, except during the children's weddings, births and so on.
Your stepchildren's mother will probably never be your "friend" in the true sense of the word, but you should still be friendly towards her. Just do your best to work side by side with her for the common good of the children by maintaining a semblance of cordiality. After all, she is their mother and the children will love her. The better you treat their mother, the more they will respect you.
Story from a lady that had this happen: Her and her husband’s ex did NOT get along. Finally, the short story is.. this happened for a while, then the mom and step-mom had the conversation of… “I understand this is hard for both of us. I want the kid(s) to grow up in a healthy environment. The only way to do that is if we get along.”
Stepmothers do not have a specific manual that gives them step-by-step guidelines on how to help raise their husband's children and how to get along with their stepchildren's mother. They often enter into their marriage with high expectations on how everyone will get along and be the best of friends. The reality is quite different from the fantasy. It is not as simple as that. There are so many factors involved that will determine whether or not this will be possible, as each family situation is different.
SO, from my perspective seeing this lately and closely being involved in it… this is what it takes! This is what I think and how I want to be! Step up to the plate and be the bigger person! :)
What I’ve thought about is those that have step-moms/dads, and how they get along with or communicate with the “other” parent. I’ve thought about this a lot and seen first-hand quite a bit… but I thought I’d do some research for myself. So, what I found, agree with, and will use personally include on being the “2nd woman”, “step-mom”, etc:
What you see is what you get - A man who is kind and loving to you, who also has an ex-wife. He is a package deal and you must decide if you can accept the package. If the ex is at all volatile, the guess is that the ex-wife has many unsolved issues with her ex-husband and there is really nothing you can do about the way they interact with each other. If she is “not a good mom”, why would you want to have a relationship with a man who does not protect his kids from a bad mother? If his kids are hurting, that’s what matters and you and him need to be the bigger people and take control of making them have a good life. Because he has children, he will have a connection with his ex-wife for the rest of his life. You cannot do anything to remedy this situation. You have no control over how other people conduct their lives. You only have control over what you do. If she treats her ex (or child!) bad, the advice is to tell him that it hurts you too much to see how this woman treats him. Just let him know it hurts you but you are here for him. And want to be his partner! “If she finds happiness and falls in love again herself, she will be more accepting of his happiness.” (From Heidi: this is SO true, I’ve gotten this advice from a very smart woman before!)
Basically, let the kids know that you love them. Tell the kids that you aren't the enemy. Let the ex wife know that you aren't the enemy and you aren't trying to replace her. Make sure the ex wife knows that you aren't trying to be the only mom to be her kids. The ex wife usually doesn't want to feel threatened by you by feeling replaced. Some of them don't like the idea of their ex husband getting married again. It is usually because she is jealous or unhappy in her life. She may get jealous if the ex wife is a single mom that is working two jobs to pay the monthly bills. The ex wife may get jealous cause of you and your husband have less stress and more happiness. It could be a number of things. Sure, some ex wifes don't care if the ex husband gets married again, but most of them do care. Make sure to talk to the kids. Let them know that you are there for them if they ever need you. Be sweet to them and be fun. They might have a difficult time getting use to the fact of another mom that will take care of them. Make sure to never anything bad about the mom in front of the kids. Always say good things about her. Make sure to be friendly and nice when you talk to their mom.
Oftentimes, it is not possible to forge a friendly relationship with your stepchildren's mother because of all that has happened in the past. If she abandoned her children and cheated on your husband, there is no reason why you would want to be around her, let alone be her friend. However, for the sake of the children, you should try to put those personal feelings to one side whenever you are in the same room with your stepchildren and their mother. That means learning to build a cordial relationship with one another that revolves around the children. It does not have to involve any personal insight into each other's lives. Think of it as a business relationship. You want to clinch the deal, so you will try to impress your new business associate. It is similar with how you should behave around your stepchildren's mother. In order to keep the children happy and secure, you should be willing to exchange pleasantries and work together for the sake of the children. As the children grow older and leave home, there will not be a need for such a close tie with their mother, except during the children's weddings, births and so on.
Your stepchildren's mother will probably never be your "friend" in the true sense of the word, but you should still be friendly towards her. Just do your best to work side by side with her for the common good of the children by maintaining a semblance of cordiality. After all, she is their mother and the children will love her. The better you treat their mother, the more they will respect you.
Story from a lady that had this happen: Her and her husband’s ex did NOT get along. Finally, the short story is.. this happened for a while, then the mom and step-mom had the conversation of… “I understand this is hard for both of us. I want the kid(s) to grow up in a healthy environment. The only way to do that is if we get along.”
Stepmothers do not have a specific manual that gives them step-by-step guidelines on how to help raise their husband's children and how to get along with their stepchildren's mother. They often enter into their marriage with high expectations on how everyone will get along and be the best of friends. The reality is quite different from the fantasy. It is not as simple as that. There are so many factors involved that will determine whether or not this will be possible, as each family situation is different.
SO, from my perspective seeing this lately and closely being involved in it… this is what it takes! This is what I think and how I want to be! Step up to the plate and be the bigger person! :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
SeX sEx SeX
So... this topic. Who thinks about it? When? Men more than women? At different times than women? How much does a good or bad sex life affect a relationship?
In my opinion... I think everyone thinks about it. A lot. I think some people do more than others, of course... but I happen to not necessarily think that men ALWAYS do more than women. I know a lot of women (myself included) that think about it more than some men I'm sure do. I also think that a good or bad sex life definately affects a relationship. If you're not in-tune or as attracted to your significant other "in that way" as you could be, or very much... thats not good.
I think sex in a relationship is extremely important! I really do! If you're not in-sync with your partner in this way... can a relationship last? I don't know the answer to that for other people... But, for myself, the answer is no. Not because sex is everything, cuz its not. Rather because I've had boyfriends that I wasn't in-sync with, and it wasn't too fun. I think somehow it just casts a shadow over the other parts of your relationship that are okay. I just plain don't like having the sexual chemistry w/someone! But, on the other hand, when you do have the sexual chemistry with someone- it is good! It is nice, you usually like the same things, etc... You want it when the other person wants it (for the most part...), even when you're out at night you both may look at each other and know its time to go! Or on a certain night, in the morning, whatever it may be!
In addition... what ways do you like to do it? Morning? Night? Mid-day? In bed? Random places? For me... yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. :) Now, speaking of....
In my opinion... I think everyone thinks about it. A lot. I think some people do more than others, of course... but I happen to not necessarily think that men ALWAYS do more than women. I know a lot of women (myself included) that think about it more than some men I'm sure do. I also think that a good or bad sex life definately affects a relationship. If you're not in-tune or as attracted to your significant other "in that way" as you could be, or very much... thats not good.
I think sex in a relationship is extremely important! I really do! If you're not in-sync with your partner in this way... can a relationship last? I don't know the answer to that for other people... But, for myself, the answer is no. Not because sex is everything, cuz its not. Rather because I've had boyfriends that I wasn't in-sync with, and it wasn't too fun. I think somehow it just casts a shadow over the other parts of your relationship that are okay. I just plain don't like having the sexual chemistry w/someone! But, on the other hand, when you do have the sexual chemistry with someone- it is good! It is nice, you usually like the same things, etc... You want it when the other person wants it (for the most part...), even when you're out at night you both may look at each other and know its time to go! Or on a certain night, in the morning, whatever it may be!
In addition... what ways do you like to do it? Morning? Night? Mid-day? In bed? Random places? For me... yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. :) Now, speaking of....
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Book Quote!
I'm in the middle of my new book and came across a very appropriate quote!
"Sometimes the best part of loving somebody is loving them even though they've hurt you. Any fool can love somebody who is perfect, somebody who does everything right. But that doesn't stretch your soul. Your soul only gets stretched when you can still love somebody after they've hurt you."
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